Urinary Etiquette

Many shows (such as Penn and Teller's BS) have touched on the subject of the cleanliness of the bootie. Seriously, it has been proven that your gludius flesh is cleaner than your hands or your mouth (and any other exposed part of your body for that matter). 

Yet, many girls feel the need to hover over the toilet seat so as not to get their princess like toushes dirty. It's not like we eat off of them ladies. It makes as much sense as washing an ashtray or ingesting high fructose corn syrup. But dont' get me wrong. I understand how this disastrous and disgusting act spreads. It's about victimization and cycles.  I myself have been assaulted by someone else's misdirected tinkle on the toilet seat... 

10pm, I've been holding off the "Breaking of the seal." I frantically scramble into the bathroom. It's an EMERGENCY. The part of my brain that normally checks the seat, has ceased to work.  So now the first wad of toilet paper I grab is needed to wipe off my left cheek that is speckled in someone else's urine. Many of us know this feeling--disgust, repulsion, maybe nausea (but that could be going overboard). I shiver as I grab the second wad of TP I now need to take care of my original business. An act that I usually find quite satisfying has now been completely ruined. Jerks. 

You see, what happens, is that the victim of a careless (or drunk) hoverer, then becomes a hoverer themselves. It's a cycle, just like poverty and child molesting. I feel degraded when I mistakenly sit down in someone else's leftover spray. Because of these nightmare type scenarios, I have considered (and alright, actually tried) hovering. 
PS- I wiped off the seat when I was done. HINT.  

But enough of my whining. Some brilliant mind once said, "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem." Ladies, here's the reality. You cannot aim in that virtual 90 degree angle. Your  unused quadraceps are screaming at you to sit or work out. Besides, your stream doesn't flow that way and especially not in that position. So if you're not gonna' clean up after yourself, please, please, please--LIFT THE SEAT. 

Thank you for your consideration in the future.

Religion and Politics

In a nation of evangelicals, christians, buddhists, muslims, atheists, and more, we will never have partisan politics if the politicians continue to insist on throwing religion into everything. In England, no one would vote for a person who unabashedly discussed their religious views. 

Many people understand that the last election was a religious election. It turned into a vote on abortion and gay marriage. I was especially appalled by the gay marriage issue. I couldn't believe that there were so many people out there who wanted to deny a sector of our population these simple rights that loved one's should undeniably be able to have.

AND THEN...I realized something when I was talking to a right leaning, very religious friend of mine last night. It turns out that there are many people who believe marriage is a religious institution. Being a married atheist, I had never thought of marriage as exclusively religious. These kind (and perhaps misguided) church going folk are afraid that they will have to marry gays in their church. As a firm believer in separation of church and state, I absolutely believe that churches should not have to marry anyone they don't want to. The Catholic Church won't even marry couples who aren't both Catholic--big deal. That is their right and I firmly stand behind it, even if it is bizarre or silly to me. My religious, right wing friend and I actually believe EXACTLY the same thing when it comes to gay rights. She just uses the word civil union because marriage is a religious word to her. (Although I pointed out to her that she calls me married and she knows that I don't believe in God). I think we both better understand how similar our beliefs are, but the connotation of the word marriage seemed to be a barrier we had to talk through.

A call to politicians--Please help clarify the semantics of the word marriage. I firmly believe that a vast majority of people are on the same page. Assuage the fears of the religious. Tell them they will continue to be able to uphold their beliefs in their own churches. However, people who are gay have the right to be together in matrimony--maybe not the holy kind at the local Catholic Church, but at least at the courthouse and at any local churches that are accepting of lifestyles that may not be main stream.