Urinary Etiquette

Many shows (such as Penn and Teller's BS) have touched on the subject of the cleanliness of the bootie. Seriously, it has been proven that your gludius flesh is cleaner than your hands or your mouth (and any other exposed part of your body for that matter). 

Yet, many girls feel the need to hover over the toilet seat so as not to get their princess like toushes dirty. It's not like we eat off of them ladies. It makes as much sense as washing an ashtray or ingesting high fructose corn syrup. But dont' get me wrong. I understand how this disastrous and disgusting act spreads. It's about victimization and cycles.  I myself have been assaulted by someone else's misdirected tinkle on the toilet seat... 

10pm, I've been holding off the "Breaking of the seal." I frantically scramble into the bathroom. It's an EMERGENCY. The part of my brain that normally checks the seat, has ceased to work.  So now the first wad of toilet paper I grab is needed to wipe off my left cheek that is speckled in someone else's urine. Many of us know this feeling--disgust, repulsion, maybe nausea (but that could be going overboard). I shiver as I grab the second wad of TP I now need to take care of my original business. An act that I usually find quite satisfying has now been completely ruined. Jerks. 

You see, what happens, is that the victim of a careless (or drunk) hoverer, then becomes a hoverer themselves. It's a cycle, just like poverty and child molesting. I feel degraded when I mistakenly sit down in someone else's leftover spray. Because of these nightmare type scenarios, I have considered (and alright, actually tried) hovering. 
PS- I wiped off the seat when I was done. HINT.  

But enough of my whining. Some brilliant mind once said, "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem." Ladies, here's the reality. You cannot aim in that virtual 90 degree angle. Your  unused quadraceps are screaming at you to sit or work out. Besides, your stream doesn't flow that way and especially not in that position. So if you're not gonna' clean up after yourself, please, please, please--LIFT THE SEAT. 

Thank you for your consideration in the future.