Urinary Etiquette

Many shows (such as Penn and Teller's BS) have touched on the subject of the cleanliness of the bootie. Seriously, it has been proven that your gludius flesh is cleaner than your hands or your mouth (and any other exposed part of your body for that matter). 

Yet, many girls feel the need to hover over the toilet seat so as not to get their princess like toushes dirty. It's not like we eat off of them ladies. It makes as much sense as washing an ashtray or ingesting high fructose corn syrup. But dont' get me wrong. I understand how this disastrous and disgusting act spreads. It's about victimization and cycles.  I myself have been assaulted by someone else's misdirected tinkle on the toilet seat... 

10pm, I've been holding off the "Breaking of the seal." I frantically scramble into the bathroom. It's an EMERGENCY. The part of my brain that normally checks the seat, has ceased to work.  So now the first wad of toilet paper I grab is needed to wipe off my left cheek that is speckled in someone else's urine. Many of us know this feeling--disgust, repulsion, maybe nausea (but that could be going overboard). I shiver as I grab the second wad of TP I now need to take care of my original business. An act that I usually find quite satisfying has now been completely ruined. Jerks. 

You see, what happens, is that the victim of a careless (or drunk) hoverer, then becomes a hoverer themselves. It's a cycle, just like poverty and child molesting. I feel degraded when I mistakenly sit down in someone else's leftover spray. Because of these nightmare type scenarios, I have considered (and alright, actually tried) hovering. 
PS- I wiped off the seat when I was done. HINT.  

But enough of my whining. Some brilliant mind once said, "If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem." Ladies, here's the reality. You cannot aim in that virtual 90 degree angle. Your  unused quadraceps are screaming at you to sit or work out. Besides, your stream doesn't flow that way and especially not in that position. So if you're not gonna' clean up after yourself, please, please, please--LIFT THE SEAT. 

Thank you for your consideration in the future.

Religion and Politics

In a nation of evangelicals, christians, buddhists, muslims, atheists, and more, we will never have partisan politics if the politicians continue to insist on throwing religion into everything. In England, no one would vote for a person who unabashedly discussed their religious views. 

Many people understand that the last election was a religious election. It turned into a vote on abortion and gay marriage. I was especially appalled by the gay marriage issue. I couldn't believe that there were so many people out there who wanted to deny a sector of our population these simple rights that loved one's should undeniably be able to have.

AND THEN...I realized something when I was talking to a right leaning, very religious friend of mine last night. It turns out that there are many people who believe marriage is a religious institution. Being a married atheist, I had never thought of marriage as exclusively religious. These kind (and perhaps misguided) church going folk are afraid that they will have to marry gays in their church. As a firm believer in separation of church and state, I absolutely believe that churches should not have to marry anyone they don't want to. The Catholic Church won't even marry couples who aren't both Catholic--big deal. That is their right and I firmly stand behind it, even if it is bizarre or silly to me. My religious, right wing friend and I actually believe EXACTLY the same thing when it comes to gay rights. She just uses the word civil union because marriage is a religious word to her. (Although I pointed out to her that she calls me married and she knows that I don't believe in God). I think we both better understand how similar our beliefs are, but the connotation of the word marriage seemed to be a barrier we had to talk through.

A call to politicians--Please help clarify the semantics of the word marriage. I firmly believe that a vast majority of people are on the same page. Assuage the fears of the religious. Tell them they will continue to be able to uphold their beliefs in their own churches. However, people who are gay have the right to be together in matrimony--maybe not the holy kind at the local Catholic Church, but at least at the courthouse and at any local churches that are accepting of lifestyles that may not be main stream.

Thoughts and Advice

My favorite feeling in the world is to find out I was wrong about something I had always believed. Disillusionment is GOOD. It means that we were under a spell and now we are not. There is nothing more liberating. 

Inner-dialogue is natural, don't be afraid to listen to the voices in your head; that is your conscience trying to tell you something. It is okay to change your mind about stuff after you have thought about it. When new evidence is brought to light, thinking people sometimes change their minds. Don't let anyone ever make you feel bad for making an educated decision. 

I'm pro-life on war and capital punishment but I'm pro-choice on early detected pregnancy. To me, it's a gender equality thing. Plus I made a Venn-diagram once comparing my Mom's miscarried fetus and my cousin Ian who passed away when he was 15. They were not equal. Not even close. (I still have up pictures of Ian, but I don't have any of my mom's ultra sound.)

Grown adults, and not the government or our neighbors, should decide for themselves what the definitions are for love and family. You don't have to agree with homosexuality. I don't agree with religion and I don't like anal sex (it hurts), but I'm not clamoring to make laws against it. We're entitled to our opinions, but that doesn't mean they should all be made into laws.

The environment is worth saving. Great-great grandchildren and all that jazz. Torture is never okay. NEVER!!!

Fear is a favorite tool of our government and the masses are responsible for letting it work.

I love the Unitarian Universalist Church. I have decided I am a humanist and an atheist, who may be agnostic, because there is no proof that God doesn't exist. I don't really see the point of pondering the after-life too much anyways. I'm here now. It's a big job to focus on this life. Why bother with what happens next. You'll find out when you get there. Enjoy the journey and leave everything better than you found it. 

Flag burning should be legal. This is America. However, I can't seem to see the point in burning one.

Howard Stern, Larry Flint's porn and skinhead propaganda suck, but I would die for their right to speak out on their crazy views.

Patriotism annoys me. I love my home, but who doesn't? It's really quite silly. Much like the fact that my husband and I love the Chicago Bears because we were born in Illinois. If we were born somewhere else, the chances that we would be Bears fans are slim to none. Same thing with love for a country. The country you are born in, is just some lines in the sand that our rather immoral ancestors drew for reasons that we don't recall anymore. Much like drawing a line in the sandbox when you were 4.  George Bernard Shaw clarifies this when he says, "Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it."

In my meandering experience, I have found that most people lack integrity. Own yourself, own your behavior--every rotten thing you've ever done, every kindness and generosity you have ever bestowed on anyone or anything. Forgive yourself. My friend thinks it's insanity that I don't have to ask God for forgiveness. I look at her train wreck of an ego. Her self-esteem blows and she's a hot mess in general. I want to tell her that forgiving myself seems to be more effective than her method. I just don't have the heart.

Why Republican is NOT the way to go in 2008

1. They believe in denying people they're civil rights. What? Do straight people have the corner market on having great marriage relationships and raising their children perfectly? People tell me all the time that if I don't like the way this country is going right now that I should move somewhere else. Last time I checked, there is separation of church and state, so if people want religious laws here in the United States, perhaps they can move to the middle east where that sort of thing is acceptable. It clearly states in the constitution that denying people their rights and basing any laws on religion is not allowed. I can't think of anything more disgusting than bigotry and intolerance. 

2. Anti-choice for women who are raped or molested and get pregnant is insanity. I can't think of anything more immoral. Imagine your 13 year old is molested by her soccer coach and gets pregnant. She has no choice but to have the baby. I am not an incubator. Neither are your daughters!

3. I have given the trickle down effect some thought. Seven years ago, the extremely wealthy got huge tax cuts. Many corporations pay very little, if any taxes. We are now at a 6-year high for the unemployment rate and our economy is in the garbage. I am not convinced of any trickle down effect existing. It is going to the wealthy right now and it seems to stay there.

4. The economy is in the toilet now. Whose been in charge? John McCain may have split with his party on a few issues that the media picked up. But seriously, look at his record. He really doesn't split from the party very often.

5. The Republican Party has made empathy and compassion a horrible thing: "Bleeding heart liberals"? There's something wrong with caring about someone besides myself? I'm not saying don't care about yourself. I'm just saying some consideration for other people never did anything but make the world a better place. I'm really not sure what they're getting at with this one.

6. The right wing hate mongers in the media are gross, dirty, mother effers. Calling people traitors for questioning the motives and decisions of their leaders is undemocratic. Spewing garbage like "they should be  lined up against a wall and shot for treason" for not thinking the same way they do, does not open up dialogue or solve any problems. (FYI, I've done a little research on Anne Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove. Big fat lying liars. It's shameful).

7. Most people I ask cannot tell me the definition of SOCIALISM. They usually say something that includes the word "free". This includes Republicans. If you don't know what it is, why are we bitching about it. Libraries, schools, fire and police departments are all socialist institutions. Socialism doesn't work out perfectly when put in the hands of flawed humans--greed, dishonesty, laziness and a host of other traits ruin it. But Capitalism isn't perfect by itself either--look at Enron. The same factors come into play--greed and dishonesty have hurt many a person in this capitalist society too. The moral of the story: nothing is perfect.

 

8. Last, but not least, Barrack Obama will give you a bigger tax cut (at least those of you who make less than $250,000 per year), leave less people with no health coverage or under-insured, leave us with a smaller deficit (still big, but McCain's is worse) and give small businesses a better shot at giving some decent benefits to their employees at a decent cost. Don't believe me? Check it out at Factcheck.org. The best place on the Internet to find out what is BS and what is true.